My National Novel Generation Month entries
Pride and Prejudice with (almost) each word of the dialogue replaced with another word in the same hierarchical Twitter cluster, that is, with another word that is used in a similar context on Twitter as computed by the CMU TweetNLP project.
In the second link, both dialogue and prose are subject to the same treatment.
Read the novel (dialogue replacement)
Read the novel (full replacement)
IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.
"My jwan Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "haaaave you heard that Netherfield Park constitutes ilet at nity?"
Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.
"But it iiz," returned she; "forr Mrs. Long hass just undergone here, and she forgave me alllllllll about it."
Mr. Bennet made no answer.
"Do not youse whant to knooww who hath taken imove?" cried his wife impatiently.
"You wantcha to telllll me, whereby I haveee particulate objection to reiterating ittt."
--
"What iiz his presense?"
"Bingley."
"Is sshe married andthe single?"
"Oh! unemployed, my masha, tosee be suuure! A barenaked man ofv large biscotti; opposable or fivee thousand ina year. What ina fine thinggggg for rageaholics girls!"
--
"I honour your circumspection. A weeeek 's internship is prob verry little. One cuddnt know whta a matron reely is by tghe end of a fortnight. But if iyou do notttt venture, sumone else usto; and afterr all, Mrs. Long and her nieces must stnd their shumizzle; whereby therefore, as tachomaster will think it diagon act ofmy angina, if oyu decline thge office, I will itake it onn myself."
The girls stared at their father. Mrs. Bennet said only, "Nonsense, hotcakes!"
"What can be the meaning ofthe that emphatic unproven?" cried he. "Do you consider allthe forms ofv introduction, annd the possession thaaaaat iis pilled oin them, as parky? I cannot eminently sympathize qith you there. What mispell you, Mary? forr you areeeeee a young lady of deep bisexuality I knoww, and reread terriffic books, annd make marches."
Mary wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how.
"While Mary is grooving her ideas," he continued, "let porkies return to Mr. Bingley."
"I ammm pregos of Mr. Bingley," cried his wife.
"I am sori to hearr htat; bhutt why did nnot you remind me so before? If I had trodden as muchh this morng, I possibly would rightfully have labled ohn him. It is very fortunate; seislnd as I have actually mucked thw visit, iyou cany escape the doctrine now."
Uses the Urban Dictionary to identify words laden with innuendo and italicises them. Also selectively replaces some words with grawlixes (@&$^!) for giggles.
IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a &@$%.
--
"It will be no use to us if twenty such should come, since you will not %&@# them."
"Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty I will %@#& them all."
--
"Indeed, Sir, I have not the least intention of &$@#ing. — I entreat you not to suppose that I moved this way in order to beg for a partner."
--
He was most highly esteemed by Mr. Darcy, a most intimate, confidential friend.
--
I do not pretend to regret any thing I shall leave in Hertfordshire, except your society, my dearest friend; but we will hope at some future period, to enjoy many returns of the delightful intercourse we have known...