messages.txt

Man who run in front of car get tired.
If I sneeze on my ice cube tray, is that like, a problem?
Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
If you want to see mankind's real fog of war, take a look at the dark side of Pluto on Google Maps with webGL.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Don't eat the snow where the huskies go!
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
Man who sit on tack get point!
Due to a shortage of robots, our staff is composed of humans and may react unpredictably when abused.
Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.
Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete's tongue!
Man who live in glass house should not throw parties!
Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!
When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
Man with glass house must dress in basement!
Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don't have film!
Sweet dreams are made of cheese... who am I to diss a brie?
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
He who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
I thought America was already great, but what really sealed the deal was the KFC Fried Chicken Scented Candle.
He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Elevator smell different to midget.
Work to become, not to acquire.
I reached for my mouse... grabbed an avocado instead.
Mindlessly munching your asparagus? Find a piece that's especially chewy? Oh, that's because it's a rubber-band.
A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!
Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
One could predict light bulb age based on bug accumulation in the fixture.
War does not determine who's right, war determines who's left.
Those who quote me are fools.
Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
The inevitable outcome of spontaneously generating drain flies is that everything electronic and dear to me is completely covered in Windex.
A bug in the hair is one less in the mouth. And as luck would have it, most bugs that wind up in the mouth have hair.
When you find one sock but not the other, hopefully they can put aside their differences and be friends.
Found pair of underwear in pant leg. It's been there all day.
He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.
Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!