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<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="stylesheet.css">
</head>
<body>
<header>
<h1>Shereen's Portfolio</h1>
<h3 class="quote">"What are we breathing for if we ain't living?"</h3>
</header>
<main>
<div class="main-nav">
<ul class="nav">
<li><a href="./Portfolio.html">Home</a></li>
<li><a href="./coding.html">Coding</a></li>
<li><a href="./approunity.html">ApproUnity</a></li>
<li><a href="./photography.html">Photography</a></li>
<li><a href="./poetrty.html">Poetry</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="writing">
<h2 class="intro">Writings</h2>
<h3>Corruption</h3>
<p>I never knew sadness could take hold of a heart so tightly.</p>
<p>Didn’t know it could clutch to it</p>
<p>Sinking its talons deep inside</p>
<p>Never knew a heart could feel so heavy</p>
<p>So swollen and bruised</p>
<p>Never felt like it could ooze out with poison before
<p>I never experienced this kind of longing
<p>The kind that could cause your brittle heart to want to claw its way out of its cage
<p>Out of my chest
<p>And seek where it belongs
<p>To seek the last place it knew comfort
<p>To seek her
<p>I didn’t fathom a numb heart
<p>Was a heart that was so damaged
<p>It lost sense
<p>Didn’t realize a heart could stop with the stop of another
<p>I didn’t know that sadness would find creases between arteries and veins
<p>To collect there
<p>Convincing me those were patches of healing when they were build-up
<p>Turning my heart into an inactive volcano that warns to erupt at me
<p>And it had erupted on me
<p>The lava spilling out of my eyes woke me from sleep
<p>It spilled and it spilled and it spilled
<p>It got everywhere
<p>I could not contain it
<p>I feared it reaching others around me
<p>Feared it alerting them
<p>But there was no stopping this flowing stream
<p>It reached my mother
<p>The tips of her fingers charred where fire had licked her hands that sought to soothe me
<p>I tried to stop it, to contain it
<p>To swallow it back
<p>The magma bubbling within me in fury
<p>This treacherous being leaks
<p>Drips
<p>drips
<p>drips poison
<p>Corrupts all it reaches
<p>This treacherous being that resides in my chest cannot be handled
<p>It’ll lure you in
<p>Wanting to engulf you
<p>It’ll burn and scorch all who try to reach for it
<p>Will not submit
<p>Do not try to tame it, it is beyond futile
<p>This heart I cannot handle
<p>It wants to engulf me whole
<p>It wants to be burn me down
<p>It is eating me up alive</p>
<p>___________________________________________</p>
<h3>Sun/Moon</h3>
<p>I remember the first time we shook hands</p>
<p>My palms came back covered in moon dust</p>
<p>And something within my soul reached for you</p>
<p>Something within me recognized the familiarity</p>
<p>The serenity</p>
<p>Like ancient pieces fitting back together after centuries of being apart</p>
<p>The red thread around my pinky felt like it hung loose and short</p>
<p>No longer being pulled tight by distance</p>
<p>And when you first called me sunshine</p>
<p>I thought you recognized it too</p>
<p>My mother, a force of warmth, always heated and passionate</p>
<p>My dad, cool and collected, half of him always hidden amongst the dark</p>
<p>I thought that’s what love was supposed to mean</p>
<p>I thought you were it</p>
<p>You quickly became a source of obsession</p>
<p>Thinking I was the the only one who saw you</p>
<p>All of you</p>
<p>And I wanted to shine light on you</p>
<p>Let others witness it too</p>
<p>Jumped out of my way to be around you</p>
<p>Despite all the forces that felt to pull us apart</p>
<p>It was too hard to coexist sometimes</p>
<p>Life always coming in the way</p>
<p>Always separated</p>
<p>Always just missing you</p>
<p>Your refusal to let me in</p>
<p>Past the darkness</p>
<p>Refusing to share your secrets you kept so well hid</p>
<p>Everyone else getting to be in your presence, but myself</p>
<p>It was draining, my own light dimming</p>
<p>I couldn’t keep us both illuminated</p>
<p>All my energy invested in you</p>
<p>I was burning away while you kept your cool and distance</p>
<p>Until I woke up from my reverie</p>
<p>Snapped into reality when I noticed the earth you were orbiting around</p>
<p>Your center</p>
<p>Snapped out of my delusions</p>
<p>The hell with moons anyways, there are other stars in the the galaxy</p>
<p>___________________________________________</p>
<h3>Addiction and Decay</h3>
<p>She paces, back and forth, too afraid to go in, to see him again. She fears being reminded of what she has done.</p>
<p>Not that she could ever forget, the darkness that haunts her, the nightmares that break her from her flimsy sleep, peace refusing to visit her; but seeing him back in person will only tighten the knot in her stomach she’d been carrying ever since.</p>
<p>She pauses, her back to the door, pushing down the feeling of queasiness. She spins around in a moment of courage and madness, grips the handle. Hesitates.</p>
<p>She snatches her hand back as if she’d touched fire and brings it up to her face. Her front teeth resting on the nail of her thumb. The dread boiling within her is in a tug war with longing.</p>
<p>Longing to see his face one more time, to see him.</p>
<p>She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, places her hand on the handle again, opens her eyes and with it she twists the knob. And there she finds him, standing quiet and calm, and yet his features captured in a moment of pain and fear. She cannot help the fluttering that overtakes her chest and stomach. How can he still dictate such a feeling within her.</p>
<p>Or should she say it? Even in statue form he still inspires such a wave within her, one that pushes her towards him.</p>
<p>Entranced by his presence, she approaches him, slowly. Carefully. As if she might scare him…err… it away, as if she could cause it to animate and escape. Run in the other direction, just like she’s seen him do so many times before.</p>
<p>Once she is close enough, she feels a pathetic sense of achievement over the fact that she managed to get this close to it without it fleeing. As if it somehow made up for all the times he has.
She caresses the face, her fingers meeting cold marble, feeling awfully appropriate for how cold he has been to her, stone like. Emotionless. Just like she wishes to be.</p>
<p>Her hand reaches to hold its hand, when she realizes the roughness. She looks down at it and notices the parts that were darker in color, splotchy and worn off starting to fall apart. Her touch causing bits to crumble. Panic overtakes her. She examines it, finally taking in all the details. There were many parts that were in bad shape, it’s hopeless.
She still can’t have him, can’t keep him.
She did this to keep him, turned him to stone to keep him to herself, to punish him, to trap him.</p>
<p>To finally stop him from running away.</p>
<p>She still couldn’t keep him.</p>
<p>She threw herself onto its form to embrace, stumbling she causes the figure to fall and shatter into thousands of pieces.
She stands over the dismantled figure, that was once a body, once someone she loved, in horror.</p>
<p>She could never keep him.</p>
</div>
</main>
</body>
</html>