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+Hello,
+
+This is the post-master general contacting you to request that you return the carrier pigeon that was sent to you by one Andreas Butler on the day of August the 14th, year 2022 of our Lord, and that you do such a returnment post-haste, so to speak.
+
+The pigeon's name is Ralphiore and he is quite dear to me and to the Annerican people, to whom she belongs (that is NOT a typo!).
+
+Thank you and I hope that for the rest of your life you are never in too much pain, or some such similar well-wishing of your choice (by which I do NOT mean the sort of well-wishing involving water supplies and coinage, that would be FAR too powerful a thing to just proffer you via a text-based, Internet message, and would in fact require a carrier pigeon for safe and effective delivery --- sadly we appear to currently be LACKING such a thing...
+Louis DeJoy